


To Make A Sick Heart Heal

by spilled_notes



Category: Shetland (TV)
Genre: F/F, Obscure and British Commentfest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2016-07-17
Packaged: 2018-07-24 09:07:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7502454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spilled_notes/pseuds/spilled_notes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A post-S3 happy ending for Rhona and Phyllis.  An extension of 'Gathered Safely In', inspired by a prompt for the Obscure and British Commentfest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> And first he played da notes o noy,  
> An dan he played da notes o joy,  
> An dan he played da göd gabber reel  
> Dat meicht ha made a sick hert hele.  
> (King Orfeo, a Shetland ballad)
> 
> I make no claims as to the plausibility of this in legal terms (although let’s face it, when has that ever stopped TV writers?).

‘I don’t know if I can forgive her,’ Rhona says quietly.

They’ve both been lonely, the two of them, so Jimmy invited her over for dinner. They made small talk as they ate, trying to pretend everything was normal, but now, sat on the wall with whiskey in hand, gazing out across the water, Rhona finally talks about her.

‘I don’t know if I should,’ she continues.

Jimmy glances at her, but her eyes remain fixed on the horizon. They’ve had this conversation - this argument - already, at work, when the anger was fresh. Then he let her rail and seethe at him. Now, with anger giving way to hurt, he waits patiently again.

‘What if it’s all been a lie?’ she says eventually. ‘What if I was considering giving up everything to be with her, and she never loved me?’

Jimmy sips his whiskey to buy some time. He doesn’t know which it would be less painful for her to believe, but she needs to hear the truth from someone.

‘She loves you,’ he says, voice quiet but firm.

At last Rhona looks at him, searching his eyes.

‘She loves you,’ he repeats. ‘No question.’

She sighs, looks back to the horizon.

‘Do you love her?’

Her eyes fill as she nods, offers a rueful smile. ‘Probably why it hurts so much.’

He empties his glass, watches as she takes a couple of shaky breaths. ‘What’ll happen to her?’ he asks. ‘In your professional opinion?’

‘She’ll be forced to resign.’

‘That’s it?’

Rhona shrugs. ‘She was being blackmailed, not doing it of her own volition. She gave you what you needed to get Sarwar. Plus there’s no evidence of corruption or collusion elsewhere in her career.’

Jimmy shakes his head. ‘Nothing else? She’s going to get off with just losing her job?’

‘Think about it, Jimmy.’ She turns to look at him. ‘No one’s going to want this getting out, are they? A senior fiscal in the pocket of a corrupt lawyer for a decade? It would encourage the press to look very closely at the relationship between the fiscal’s office, the criminals we prosecute, and their lawyers. And the police’s relationship with them too, for that matter.’

‘You don’t think Phyllis is the only one?’

‘Do you really think MacColl never got to anyone in the police? And Sarwar’s hardly the only unscrupulous lawyer in Glasgow. It’s not exactly hard to imagine some junior fiscal being blackmailed or paid off too.’ She sighs. ‘The press would clamour for an enquiry, which means the public would, so Holyrood would have to do something about it.’

‘But that would destroy the whole system, not to mention public trust,’ Jimmy says, understanding dawning.

‘Exactly. So instead it’ll get hushed up. She resigns for personal reasons, and there’s a quiet internal investigation and weeding out.’

‘Phyllis gets off to save the system.’

‘I could be wrong. It’s a big risk. If anyone finds out there’s been a cover-up there’ll be hell to pay, for all of us.’

‘But if they don’t cover it up, there’ll definitely be hell to pay right now.’

‘Exactly.’

Jimmy looks at her. ‘Are you in any danger?’

‘Are you questioning my integrity?’ she asks sharply.

‘I meant because of your relationship,’ he clarifies. ‘I know you’ve got a spotless record.’

‘I hope not,’ she sighs. ‘But what can I do?’

‘Dad?’

They both look up as Cassie steps out of the house.

‘Angel girl,’ Rhona smiles, pushing herself away from the wall and hugging her. ‘How are you?’

‘I’m fine. You?’

Rhona nods but Cassie doesn’t look convinced, and Jimmy wonders just how much of their conversation she overheard.

*          *          *

‘I think you should come up to Shetland.’

‘Excuse me?’ Phyllis takes the phone away from her ear and looks at the screen with a frown. ‘I’m sorry, who is this?’

‘Cassie Perez – Jimmy’s daughter. You are Phyllis Brennan, aren’t you?’

‘Yes.’

‘I really think you should come,’ Cassie repeats, before Phyllis can get in another word.

‘And why’s that?’ she sighs, giving in to the girl.

‘She’s not happy, you know – Rhona.’

‘Seeing as that’s my fault, I hardly think me being there will help matters.’

‘Don’t you miss her?’

‘Of course I do,’ Phyllis says softly, her heart aching.

‘Well then,’ Cassie says, as if it were that simple. ‘Please,’ she adds, when Phyllis is silent.

‘I don’t think it would be a good idea, Cassie,’ she says gently.

‘Why not?’

‘If she wanted to see me, she would’ve called.’

‘Don’t you know her at all?’ she asks, incredulous. ‘You can’t just hide, all you’ll end up doing is hurting both of you more.’

Phyllis opens her mouth to argue, then sighs and closes it again.

‘I’m having a party next Friday, before I go to Brazil. Rhona’s going to be there. I think you should be too.’

She pauses, and Phyllis hears her take a breath before she adds softly, hesitantly: ‘She misses you too. Think about it at least, won’t you?’

*          *          *

Phyllis pauses on the threshold, fingers tightly gripping her bag. What if this was a terrible, stupid mistake? She almost turns, almost walks away to find a hotel room, to fly back to Glasgow first thing in the morning. She glances through the panes in the door, spots Rhona swaying in Jimmy’s arms. Despite the textured glass she can still see Rhona’s dejected expression.

Phyllis takes a breath, steels herself. _I have to at least try,_ she thinks. _Now that I’m here._

She pushes open the door. Cassie looks at her almost immediately; the girl must have had more faith in Phyllis than she did herself. Then Jimmy spots her and, an instant later, so does Rhona.

Phyllis’s heart stutters. She looks away. When she raises her head again, Rhona is standing before her. Close, so close that she can smell her shampoo, can see emotions warring in her eyes. She shifts uncomfortably, readies herself for an onslaught.

She isn’t prepared for the kiss, for the tenderness of Rhona’s lips.

Stunned, she barely takes in Rhona’s words. It’s all she can do to reach out, to grasp Rhona’s arm, terrified she’ll pull away but desperate to touch her, to make sure this is real.

Later, when Rhona holds out her hand to lead her upstairs to bed, to sleep curled together, Phyllis desperately tries to squash down the flicker of hope. She relishes the familiar weight and warmth of Rhona against her, etching it into her memory, convinced it’s going to be the last time.


	2. Chapter 2

Rhona wakes the next morning to find herself alone in bed. She sits up abruptly, listens carefully, but the house is silent. She reaches a hand across to the other side of the bed and finds a lingering warmth from Phyllis’s body. When she gets up she sees that Phyllis’s clothes are still neatly folded on the chair where she left them, and her worry recedes.

Downstairs she catches sight of her sat outside, still in her pyjamas, staring across the voe.

_Coffee,_ she thinks, switching on the machine and reaching mugs out of the cupboard. _And then?_ She leans against the counter and sighs. _Is there any point putting it off?_

Phyllis looks around as she steps out into the cool, pure air, watches warily as she sets two steaming mugs on the table and then sits beside her, a foot of space between them.

Phyllis takes a mug, draws it towards her, glad of something to keep her hands from reaching for Rhona. She takes a sip, almost scalding her tongue, catches sight of Rhona’s fond smirk out of the corner of her eye.

‘I almost didn’t come,’ she says quietly, words underscored by the chink of her fingernails against the china. ‘I wasn’t sure you’d even want to see me.’

‘Nor was I,’ Rhona admits. ‘But I’ve been coming to the conclusion that I did.’

Phyllis’s eye flicker to her face, then back out to the water. ‘I thought I was doing the right thing. I couldn’t let a lie ruin my son’s life.’ She lets out a harsh breath, almost a laugh. ‘Ironic, isn’t it, that _his_ lie ends up ruining mine instead?’

‘There were so many questions you could’ve asked.’

‘I know. But I wanted to believe him – didn’t want to believe he could have done something like that. I feel like I don’t even know my own son any more,’ she adds sadly. ‘I thought I was doing the right thing,’ she repeats. And then, quietly, ‘I’m sorry.’

‘I’m not really the one you need to apologise to, am I?’

‘Not the only one,’ Phyllis corrects. ‘But you do deserve an apology.’

‘I don’t know if I can forgive you,’ Rhona says frankly.

‘I understand. I- I don’t know if I can forgive myself,’ she admits. ‘It’s one thing redirecting financial investigations but murder and rape? I don’t know how to live with this,’ she says shakily.

‘You couldn’t know how much he’d demand in return, or the lengths he’d go to.’

‘I knew he’d want something, but it just kept going. He’d call every time, remind me what was at stake. And of course the longer it went on, the harder it became to stop.’

‘He was blackmailing you, Phyllis. You’re a victim too.’

‘It was never about me,’ she says quickly, almost fiercely. ‘I wouldn’t have done anything for him if it hadn’t been to protect Ben.’

‘I thought so,’ Rhona says with a small smile.

Phyllis looks at her, questioning.

‘I didn’t think I could’ve been so wrong about you,’ she explains. ‘That I could’ve-’ She hesitates, glances away to the horizon. ‘That I could’ve fallen in love with someone who would’ve done that for themselves,’ she finishes softly.

She feels Phyllis’s gaze on her but doesn’t look at her, not yet. Instead she sips her coffee, stares down to the voe.

Phyllis finds she can’t speak, can’t find any words let alone arrange them into sentences. Her eyes remain fixed on Rhona’s face, fingers still tapping the side of her mug in a soft tattoo.

‘What are you going to do now?’

‘I really don’t know,’ Phyllis sighs, shaking her head. ‘I’ve lost everything that’s ever mattered to me.’

‘Not everything,’ Rhona says softly, laying her hand atop Phyllis’s.

Phyllis drops her gaze for a moment, then slowly raises her head to meet Rhona’s eyes.

Rhona grips her hand a little tighter. ‘I might not love what you did, but I _do_ love you.’

Phyllis feels her eyes fill, draws a shaky breath, doesn’t bother to try and blink the tears away. ‘I love you too,’ she murmurs unsteadily.

‘You could stay,’ Rhona says, a little hesitantly.

Phyllis looks at her, surprised.

‘What? We were already considering the possibilities for being together.’

‘This certainly does swing the balance more in your favour, doesn’t it?’

‘What else are you going to do? Stay in Glasgow and constantly be bumping into people who want to know why you aren’t working any more?’

‘Well, when you put it like that,’ Phyllis grimaces. ‘But are you sure you want me here? You know they’ll already suspect you, I’ll just taint you further.’

‘I think it’s far too late for me to worry about being tainted by association with you. And let them suspect,’ she says, eyes flashing. ‘Let them investigate. I don’t have anything to hide. You could even use me as your reason for resigning if you like.’

‘I gave it all up to run away to a rock in the middle of the ocean with my lover, you mean?’ Phyllis presses her lips together, holding back a smile.

‘It’s not outside the realm of possibility, is it?’

‘Far from it, darling.’ She smiles, and then sighs. ‘You know, I used to find the quiet here almost eerie. Barring you, I couldn’t wait to get back to civilization.’

‘Charming. And now?’

‘I find I don’t want to leave.’

‘So is that a yes?’

Phyllis nods and Rhona smiles, squeezes her hand. Doesn’t mention the tears gathering in her eyes.

‘You’ll have to find something to do though. It’d be easy to go mad with nothing to keep you busy while I’m at work.’

‘I could take up painting,’ she suggests, eyes scanning the landscape around them. ‘Or fishing, I could become a fisherwoman.’

Rhona raises her eyebrows, bites back a laugh. ‘Have you ever been on a boat other than a ferry?’

‘Alright, maybe not fishing,’ she concedes. ‘But you’re right, and I will.’

The shrill sound of the phone cuts through the quiet morning.

‘You should probably get that,’ Phyllis says, barely hiding her reluctance to let Rhona go. ‘Might be important.’

Rhona shakes her head slightly and smiles. ‘They can wait.’

‘Do you really mean it?’ Phyllis breathes after a moment. ‘You really still want me, still love me?’

‘I do.’

‘I thought,’ she says hesitantly, voice shaky with tears, ‘I thought you’d hate me.’

‘No,’ Rhona says firmly, gripping her hand, looking at her earnestly. ‘I’m angry, and I don’t agree with what you did, but I never hated you.’

Phyllis swipes at her eyes, looks at Rhona. Finally she smiles, turns her hand to lace their fingers.

With her free hand, Rhona reaches to gently wipe the tears from her cheek, fingertips lingering on her skin. Phyllis leans into her touch, shifts to press a cautious kiss to her palm.

They stay like that, eyes and hands locked together, until the ringing of the phone makes them both jump. Phyllis suppresses a smile at the flash of annoyance in Rhona’s eyes.

‘Go on,’ she says quietly. ‘Or they’ll just keep trying.’

Rhona sighs, squeezes her hand, stands to head inside. Then she turns back and swiftly, tenderly kisses her.

As she moves away Phyllis catches at her hand, pulling her off-balance and drawing a cry of surprise from her.

‘I thought I should be answering the phone,’ she smiles, their noses almost touching.

‘As you said,’ Phyllis murmurs into the space between them, where their breaths mingle, ‘they can wait.’

But when it rings a third time Rhona gives in, disentangles herself and, with one final kiss, goes inside to answer.

‘Rhona?’

Her heart sinks at Jimmy’s voice: work, surely.

But no.

‘I just wanted to make sure everything’s ok.’

‘I told him not to disturb you,’ Cassie calls in the background. ‘But he wouldn’t listen.’

‘I’m fine,’ Rhona replies, her heart swelling at the care in their voices. _‘We’re_ fine. You can congratulate your daughter on the success of her meddling,’ she adds with a smile.

‘I wouldn’t want to encourage her,’ Jimmy grimaces. ‘You’re sure?’ he asks again, and she knows he isn’t just checking that she really is ok.

‘I’m sure.’

‘I’m happy for you. See you Monday.’

‘Thank you, Jimmy. Love to Cassie.’

Rhona sets the phone down, swallows the lump in her throat, quietly walks back outside to stand behind Phyllis. She bends to slip her arms loosely about her neck, fingertips caressing her collarbones, kisses the soft skin behind her ear. Phyllis arches her neck, offering more of her skin. She reaches for one of Rhona’s wandering hands, raises it to graze her knuckles with a kiss and for a moment, a breath, they just gaze at each other.

And then they kiss again. And it starts out soft and tender, but soon it’s all insistent lips and tongues and teeth, and roaming, grasping hands, and a desperate need to be close, closer, closer still.

And one of them says ‘Bed’ in a low murmur, almost a growl, and neither’s certain which of them it is but it doesn’t matter. All that matters is that they are here, the two of them, together.

They almost don’t make it. The pause against the door is almost too much; the one against the wall at the foot of the stairs certainly is.

But then there they are.

And there’s a pause, and Phyllis feels a stab of fear that Rhona’s changed her mind. But no, she just wants to look.

And then with a smile she draws her close and kisses her and for a time everything is soft and tender again, and Rhona finds she can’t get enough of the feel of Phyllis’s lips against hers, of her skin beneath her fingers.

Phyllis thinks how close she came to losing this, to never holding Rhona again. Every touch feels both new and familiar, like coming home but to somewhere new.

_A reprieve,_ she thinks, and determines not to waste it.

And then there’s no more thinking. The world shrinks to this room, this bed, this moment. The pounding rush of blood in her veins, the tingling sparkle of desire in every cell. Their mingled sighs and moans and whispered pleas. The feel of Rhona beneath her, against her, around her, inside her.

And Rhona’s name falling from her lips, again and again. A blessing, a prayer, a promise.

‘I love you,’ she murmurs. ‘I love you so much.’

‘I love you’ Rhona echoes.

And suddenly the sickening, gnawing ache in her chest vanishes, and her heart feels whole again.


End file.
